One of what some people consider my greatest faults and others my greatest virtues is that I want to help others because I care. Some have said I care a little bit too much at times. I remember being asked when I was younger, “How do I learn best?” My response was, “The hard way.” I have been through so much, and made so many ungodly mistakes over my life that I want others to learn from my iniquity and not endure the troubles of their own poor choices if they don’t need to. I have always believed that if my experiences, failures, and hard-earned lessons can help someone else avoid unnecessary pain, then perhaps some good can come from the mistakes I have made. I have learned, however, that caring deeply about someone does not always mean I am supposed to speak, correct, or offer a solution. Sometimes love means being present, listening carefully, and trusting God to work in a person’s life in His timing and not my availability.
There have been times when I gave advice when it was unsolicited, unsought, and more importantly unwelcomed. To those I may have offended by overstepping my boundaries in our relationship, I apologize. Sometimes I have misinterpreted a conversation and did not realize that the person was merely looking for a sounding board, someone to listen to his/her problem without my input or attempts to fix anything. More times than not they just have wanted to vent or complain, and not have me help them seek a solution. Even at my age, I am in a constant state of acquiring new skills, trying to “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” I usually figure out that I need to keep my mouth shut right after I open it and spoke.
In more recent times, as I have been led to say something, I stop and think, then I pause and pray, and take the situation before God in intercession. The one verse that I tend to focus on is written in Proverbs 21:23 He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from troubles. This is a truth I wish I would have learned when I was younger. Now I am at the point in my life where I am trying to be a little more sparing and selective with my advice, wisdom, and discernment. I feel that maybe I should save myself some time, breath, frustration, heartache, and withhold my words until it is actually sought intentionally.
Sometimes, the wisest thing to do is to step back and let the person with the problem struggle and suffer to the point where they actually request my wisdom, experience, and help in a genuine way. I know that learning this has not always been easy, because my heart often wants to rush in and make things better for the people I love and care about. I have to remind myself that I am not their Savior, nor am I responsible for fixing every problem they face. There are times when the most loving thing I can do is pray, remain available, and trust God to accomplish what my words never could.
At the end of my life, I pray that even when I may have given advice that wasn’t asked for, it helped in one way or another. Today I pray that eventually others realize that the words I spoke were out of a genuineness of love, care, and a desire to help by sharing truth. When I care for someone there is very little that I wouldn’t do for them. I don’t know how to only give half way, it is not in my nature. The sad thing is, I think I am learning. I also know that there are people who have been hurt, overwhelmed, or simply weary, and what they may need most in that moment is not an answer but the reassurance that they are not alone. This has been one thing that I know I have needed in recent times and felt as if I had been abandoned. There is hope in knowing that God can use even our mistakes, our failures, and our growing pains to teach us how to love others with greater patience, humility, compassion, and wisdom just like Jesus did.
My one big takeaway is in moving forward that I will make sure to seek consent before sharing relatable experiences or unsolicited advice no matter how biblical it may be or heartfelt because “unsolicited advice is most of the time wasted breath” and reflects the common experience that unrequested guidance is often ineffective, unappreciated, and can even damage relationships. I have come to see that most people are more likely to listen to someone who has first offered support and empathy, even with no solution, than to constructive criticism—even when that criticism is based on Biblical truth that can result in peace and well being.
Moving forward, I want my actions to demonstrate that caring for someone includes respecting their right to choose when they are ready to hear what I have to say. I need to be intentional about pausing long enough to ask, listen, pray, and discern whether my words are truly wanted before I offer them. If I have learned anything from my journey this far, it is that there is not an urgency to say everything I know, but to make sure that whatever I say is spoken in love, received with grace, and used for the good of the person standing in front of me.
Perhaps the greatest lesson for me is that wisdom is not simply knowing what to say; sometimes wisdom is knowing when not to say anything at all. There are moments when my silence can become an act of love, my listening can become an act of compassion, and my prayers can accomplish far more than my advice ever could. And when God does open the door for me to speak, I pray that I will have the humility to recognize that opportunity, the discernment to know what to say, and the restraint to say only what is necessary and glorifying to God. In closing, I care → I have made mistakes → I have learned → I am still learning → I need God’s discernment → I will act differently going forward. Dear hearers, please pray for me as I pray for all who read these words.
———————————————————————————————————————
My BeLoved, may the grace and peace of the Lord Jesus, the love of God the Father, and the communion of the Holy Spirit, be with you all. Amen. In Christ Love, douglas. HE>i. pastord.blog
Special Note: I want to thank those who read what I write and are encouraged to support the ministry God has entrusted to me either one time or have decided to give on a monthly basis. I am encouraged to see certain verses playing out before my eyes like what is written in *Philippians 4:16 For even in Thessalonica you sent aid once and again for my necessities. 17 Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that abounds to your account.*
To any who are interested, please feel free to reach out to me with prayer requests, questions, encouragement, or for information on how to come alongside me with financial support at pastord.blog@gmail.com or I do have a Zelle account associated with my phone number, 5202720387 last name Blaser. Thank you my Beloved for your ongoing prayers and support.
