Heavenly Father, here I am again. Not with answers. Not with strength. Not with another plan for how I am going to fix myself, fix my circumstances, manage my thoughts, organize my life, or somehow become the man I believe I should be before You. I come to You simply as I am. A sinner saved and a broken man. I am a man who loves You, yet still wrestles with himself. A man who believes, yet sometimes struggles with unbelief. A man who wants to trust You completely, yet finds himself reaching for control when the path ahead becomes unclear. A man who wants to serve You faithfully, yet can become so consumed with doing and getting distracted that I forget that what I desperately need is simply to abide in You more than anything else in this world. And Lord, I am tired. Not the type of tired that needs rest, but the type that needs peace, Your peace. I am tired of fighting battles in my mind. I am tired of wrestling with what I think I should be, what I think I should have, where I think I should be, and what I think my life should look like. I am tired of trying to understand every why and every why not. I am tired of picking up the pen and trying to write a story that belongs in Your hands to complete. The truth is, Father, I need You. Not just yesterday. Not just tomorrow. Right now. In every moment. There are more times than I care to admit when I feel like Peter—standing in the middle of a storm, looking at the waves, realizing that I cannot save myself. And my prayer becomes painfully simple: “Lord, save me.” Sometimes that is all the faith I have in the moment knowing what You can do if You choose to. But perhaps that is the point of all of my trials and tribulations. I can see that You are teaching me that my life has never depended upon the strength of my faith, but upon the power of You, my Savior. I have spent so much of my life trying to identify the problem, make a plan, work harder, and fix it. Yet the older I get, the more I understand that there are some things I cannot fix. There are burdens I cannot carry. There are questions I cannot answer. There are battles I cannot win through effort, discipline, busyness, or even good intentions. I am a sinner saved by grace, and I remain desperately dependent upon that same grace every moment I draw breath. I pray often over what Paul cried out in Romans 7:24 Wretched and miserable man that I am! Who will [rescue me and] set me free from this body of death [this corrupt, mortal existence]? But following with his response in Romans 7:25 Thanks be to God [for my deliverance] through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind serve the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh [my human nature, my worldliness, my sinful capacity—I serve] the law of sin. Lord Jesus, You are my answer for everything. Not my productivity. Not my understanding. Not my ability to control my circumstances. Not my ability to get everything right. Not my strength. You and You alone are my all in all. And when I finally come to the end of myself, I find that I have not come to the end of hope. I have come to the place where hope begins again—in You. Father, forgive me for the times I have tried to take Your place in my own life. Forgive me for believing that if I could just think clearly enough, work hard enough, pray perfectly enough, understand enough, or accomplish enough, where I could finally have peace. Forgive me for the pride hidden inside my striving. Forgive me for the times I have been more concerned with understanding Your plan than trusting Your heart. Forgive me for the times I have been so busy doing things for You that I have failed to simply be with You. And thank You for Your mercy. Thank You that my failures do not surprise You. Thank You that my weaknesses do not disqualify me. Thank You that my confusion does not frighten You. Thank You that my questions do not make You abandon me. Thank You that even when my faith feels weak, You remain faithful. You have allowed me to discover that the cracks in my life are not places where You stop working. They are often the very places where Your light becomes most visible.I think about what Paul heard after his plea before God and pray that I can accept that as well. It is written in 2 Corinthians 12:9 But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!
Dear Hearers, this is Part 1 of a 2-part reflection on surrender, weakness, and learning to trust God when we cannot fix what is broken. The conclusion will be shared tomorrow, continuing with what it means to rest in His grace and find strength in our weakness. Thank you for your prayers and support. Praying that you are blessed by all that I share. Pastor D.
My BeLoved, may the grace and peace of the Lord Jesus, the love of God the Father, and the communion of the Holy Spirit, be with you all. Amen. In Christ Love, douglas. HE>i. pastord.blog
Special Note: I want to thank those who read what I write and are encouraged to support the ministry God has entrusted to me either one time or have decided to give on a monthly basis. I am encouraged to see certain verses playing out before my eyes like what is written in *Philippians 4:16 For even in Thessalonica you sent aid once and again for my necessities. 17 Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that abounds to your account.*
To any who are interested, please feel free to reach out to me with prayer requests, questions, encouragement, or for information on how to come alongside me with financial support at pastord.blog@gmail.com or I do have a Zelle account associated with my phone number, 5202720387 last name Blaser. Thank you my Beloved for your ongoing prayers and support.
