When “Let Me Know How I Can Pray for You” Becomes Just A Half-Hearted Expression of Courtesy rather than Intentional Concern
This may not be pleasant, but I believe there is something that needs to be said about the way we as Christians sometimes express social habits for one another. We have become very good at asking, “How are you doing?” but I wonder how many of us are genuinely prepared to listen to the answer. Through personal experience, I have witnessed that the Body of Christ needs to do better.
There is a difference between being judgmental and holding people accountable for the words they use. Recently, I have found myself reflecting on the number of times someone has asked how my family and I are doing, and when I respond honestly that we are not doing well, that we are facing some challenges, or that things have been difficult, the response is, “Let us know how we can pray for you.” Before I can even process the invitation, the conversation moves on to another subject, usually about their initial concerns or motives that prompted the conversation in the first place. Not sure about anyone else but to me it is better not to ask if you have no intention of following through with sincere love and concern.
I understand that people have busy lives, their own struggles, and responsibilities that require their attention. I also understand that not everyone has it in their heart to hear the details of someone else’s circumstances. I am not suggesting that everyone who asks a question is obligated to take on the burdens of others. However, I do believe there is a difference between asking out of courtesy and asking because you genuinely care about the answer. Especially if you are a person of religious authority, particularly because pastors, ministry leaders, and other spiritual leaders are often expected to model compassion.
Sometimes, our pleasantries can become unpleasant reminders of how disconnected we have become from one another as human beings. We ask questions out of habit, offer familiar expressions of concern, and move on without realizing that the person standing in front of us may have been waiting for someone to genuinely ask, “What is going on? Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?” Right before they do something that they can never recover from. People can be carrying tremendous emotional pain, and a seemingly ordinary conversation may be an opportunity to recognize that someone desperately needs help.
I pray often over what is written in James 1:19 Understand this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Let everyone be quick to hear [be a careful, thoughtful listener], slow to speak [a speaker of carefully chosen words and], slow to anger [patient, reflective, forgiving]; There is a reason Scripture emphasizes listening so much. Listening is more than remaining quiet while someone speaks; it is choosing to give them our undivided attention and making an effort to understand what they are communicating. Sometimes, we listen with the intent to respond but never take the time to hear the heart behind the words and truly process all that is being said and also what isn’t..
I am not looking for sympathy, and I certainly do not expect anyone to fix what my family and I are going through. I am not asking people to abandon their responsibilities or become responsible for my peace of mind. I know where my help comes from, and I continue to trust God even when the circumstances around me are difficult. But I also believe God created us to encourage, strengthen, and support one another along the way.
There are certain verses that since first reading them, they have been embedded deep within me, like what is written in Galatians 6:2 Carry one another’s burdens and in this way you will fulfill the requirements of the law of Christ [that is, the law of Christian love]. Notice that Scripture does not tell us to simply acknowledge that someone has a burden and then walk away without a second thought. It calls us to bear one another’s burdens. We may not be able to change someone’s circumstances, provide all of the answers they need, or remove the weight they are carrying, but we can offer our time, a listening ear, a sincere prayer, or the reassurance that they do not have to face everything alone.
I have learned that not everyone needs to know the minute details of my life, and transparency does not mean everyone has earned the privilege of knowing my personal struggles. However, when someone asks me how I am doing and I choose to be honest and real, I would hope that the question was asked with enough sincerity to allow room for an honest answer and not a quick brush off.
If you ask me how I am doing and I tell you that I am struggling, please do not feel obligated to investigate every detail. But if you genuinely want to know how you can pray for me, consider taking a moment to ask what I am comfortable sharing. You might be surprised by what a simple, sincere question can mean to someone who has been carrying more than you could ever realize.
I believe certain verses speak to the heart of what it means to genuinely care for one another. It is written in Romans 12:15 Rejoice with those who rejoice [sharing others’ joy], and weep with those who weep [sharing others’ grief]. It is easy to celebrate with someone when things are going well, but are we just as willing to sit with them when life is difficult? Sometimes, people do not need our advice, our opinions, or even an explanation of how things will work out. They simply need someone who is willing to listen, acknowledge their pain, and remind them that they do not have to face their struggles alone. We cannot always take away someone’s burden, but we can choose not to make them feel as though they must carry it in silence.
Sometimes, the most meaningful thing we can offer is not advice, an opinion, or a quick spiritual expression, but the willingness to stop, listen, and be present. And although there are a variety of verses that speak specifically about answering before hearing, how many of us genuinely comprehend the importance of bringing a candle to someone in a dark place? I do not believe that we can minister effectively to people when we are unwilling to be with them where they are at.
I recognize that everyone has different capacities, and there will be times when we cannot give someone the attention they need at that moment. There is nothing wrong with saying, “I want to hear more, but I cannot give this the attention it deserves right now. Can we talk later?” That is honest, considerate, and far more meaningful than extending an invitation we have no intention of honoring.
The truth is that my family and I are navigating some challenging circumstances, and like many others, we continue to depend on God’s grace, strength, and faithfulness. I covet the prayers of those who genuinely lift us before the Lord. I also recognize that I am not the only person carrying a heavy load. There are people all around us who are struggling silently, trying to hold themselves together while answering the same question many others ask so casually: “How are you doing?” And I want those who I know that need prayer to know without a doubt that, I am praying for you.
Through all that I have shared my desire is not to criticize, condemn, or question anyone’s else’s heart. Rather, I will examine my own intentions and consider whether my words reflect the compassion of Christ or the cafeteria Christianity of the world. If I ask, I pray that I will be willing to listen fully. If I offer to pray, I have learned to pray right away. If I say I care, I will look for meaningful ways to demonstrate that care.
We do not have to have all the answers, and we do not have to solve everyone’s problems. We simply need to be intentional about loving people beyond our words.
The next time you ask someone how they are doing, remember that you may be asking a question that opens a door they have been hesitant to walk through. Be careful though, do not ask if you are unwilling to hear the answer. And when someone trusts you enough to say, “Honestly, I am not doing well,” do not be so quick to move on that you miss an opportunity to minister for the glory of God and not yourself.
May our concern be more than a pleasantry, our prayers be more than a promise, and our love be more than words. Let us become people who listen with compassion, care with intention, and love one another in ways that reflect the heart of Christ.
Because sometimes, the greatest blessing we can offer someone is not telling them that we will pray for them, but taking the time to pray with them in that very moment, listen to them with the intent to hear, or simply remind them that they do not have to walk through their difficult season alone, because We Are Stronger Together.
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My BeLoved, may the grace and peace of the Lord Jesus, the love of God the Father, and the communion of the Holy Spirit, be with you all. Amen. In Christ Love, douglas. HE>i. pastord.blog
Special Note: I want to thank those who read what I write and are encouraged to support the ministry God has entrusted to me either one time or have decided to give on a monthly basis. I am encouraged to see certain verses playing out before my eyes like what is written in *Philippians 4:16 For even in Thessalonica you sent aid once and again for my necessities. 17 Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that abounds to your account.*
To any who are interested, please feel free to reach out to me with prayer requests, questions, encouragement, or for information on how to come alongside me with financial support at pastord.blog@gmail.com or I do have a Zelle account associated with my phone number, 5202720387 last name Blaser. Thank you my Beloved for your ongoing prayers and support.
