There is something I have come to understand about myself that I am not sure would have been true before coming to Christ. As a servant of the Most High I am not concerned about being the most important person in the room, center stage, or seated at the head of the table with others around me of notoriety and fame. I desire to be helpful and useful flying under the radar, almost to a fault. Since becoming a Christian I have wanted my life to matter for the Kingdom of God more than anything else. I want to serve my family, love people well, encourage someone who is hurting, disciple those God places in my path, answer the phone when someone needs help, and be available when the Lord opens a door. The more I read of the life of the Lord Jesus I see serving others as a privilege more than an obligation. I often find myself saying, “I get to,” rather than “I got to.” But I am learning that even something good can become unhealthy when I begin to believe how much I have to do depends upon me.
I carry a tremendous sense of responsibility. Perhaps some can relate. There are people to love, people to encourage, people to disciple, responsibilities at home, responsibilities at work, ministry, church, relationships, and all the ordinary things that fill our days. I want to be faithful in all of them. The problem is that sometimes my desire to be faithful causes me to take responsibility for things God never asked me to carry. I can find myself going in a dozen different directions, trying to respond to whatever need is the loudest, while quietly becoming overwhelmed by the weight of everything I have said yes to.
I have always believed that Christianity is meant to be lived out for the world to see, not merely professed, but still. Scripture is not simply something we read on Sunday; it is the authority by which we are supposed to order our lives day in and day out. We are called to make disciples, to encourage one another, to serve, to love, to obey, and to be faithful. I believe that with all my heart. But there is a difference between faithfully doing what God has called me to do and believing that I must personally accomplish everything that needs to be done.
Jesus said in Matthew 11:28 Come to Me, all who are weary and heavily burdened [by religious rituals that provide no peace], and I will give you rest [refreshing your souls with salvation]. I have read those words many times, but I am learning that rest is not merely something God gives me after I finish everything on my list. Sometimes rest requires me to admit that I cannot finish everything on my list. Sometimes faithfulness looks less like doing one more thing and more like putting something down and spending time with Him. That is difficult for someone like me.
I can be hard on myself. If someone needs help, I want to help. If something needs to be done, I want to do it. If there is a problem, my natural response is to identify the problem, make a plan, work harder, and fix it. That may work with a broken fence, a household project or something that needs to be repaired, but it does not always work with the soul of a heartbroken individual. There are some things only God can fix and I have come to realize a few years back that I have the tendency to get in His way. There are some burdens only God can resolve. There are some situations where my greatest act of obedience is not to work harder but to trust Him more and let go.
Jesus said in John 15:5 I am the Vine; you are the branches. The one who remains (abides) in Me and I in him bears much fruit, for [otherwise] apart from Me [that is, cut off from vital union with Me] you can do nothing. Those are strong words for someone who is accustomed to doing. They remind me that usefulness does not come from how much I accomplish. Fruit comes from abiding in Christ. I can be busy for God and still fail to be with God. I can spend my days serving people and neglect the One who called me to serve them. I can become so focused on the work of ministry that I forget that ministry was never meant to replace my relationship with Jesus.
That is where I believe the Lord is dealing with me in this season.
I do not want to become so busy being useful that I forget why I am here. I do not want my identity to be found in how many people I helped, how many responsibilities I carried, how many problems I solved, or how many things I managed to accomplish. I want to be known by my faithfulness to Christ. I want my family to know they were loved. I want the people God entrusted to me to know that they mattered. I want those who crossed my path to know that Jesus loves them. I want to tell the truth without compromising grace, to call people toward obedience without condemning them, and to point them toward Christ rather than toward myself.
Perhaps that is why the question I keep coming back to is not, “How much can I accomplish?” but, “What deserves my life?” That is a very difficult question that I battle with day in and day out.
The world tells us to fill every available space, accomplish more, stay productive and keep moving. Even ministry can sometimes tempt us into believing that if there is a need, we must meet it. But Jesus never told us to meet every need. He told us to follow Him. There is a difference.
Paul reminds us in 1 Corinthians 15:58 Therefore, my beloved brothers and sisters, be steadfast, immovable, always excelling in the work of the Lord [always doing your best and doing more than is needed], being continually aware that your labor [even to the point of exhaustion] in the Lord is not futile nor wasted [it is never without purpose]. I love that verse because it reminds me that faithful labor does matter. The answer is not to stop serving. The answer is to make sure that how I am serving is truly the work the Lord has given me and not just doing to do.
There will always be another phone call, another responsibility, another person who needs something, another project that could be completed and another thing that could be added to the calendar. There will always be something unfinished. I am beginning to understand that unfinished does not necessarily mean unfaithful or unfruitful.
Maybe some of the things I have carried were never mine to carry. Maybe some of the things I have said yes to should have received a lot more fervent prayer before they received a commitment from me. Maybe some of the things I have called responsibility were actually distractions from the responsibility God was already asking me to fulfill.
I am still learning this. I suspect I will be learning it for the rest of my life. My tendency is still to overcommit, to believe that if I can just work a little harder I can create some peace, and to measure dependability by how much I can accomplish. But God is teaching me something different. He is teaching me that surrender is not failure, saying no is not always selfish, resting is not laziness, and trusting Him with something I cannot control is not giving up.
It is faith, while trusting in Him, relying on Him, and clinging to Him.
I do not want to arrive at the end of my life having been busy but spiritually distracted, exhausted but unavailable to God, or useful to everyone except the One who gave me my life. I want to hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant” and not “he had such potential.” I want my life to have eternal significance, not simply a full calendar to look back on. My inner question has been, “If I am not accomplishing something, am I still valuable?“ But not any more.
So I am asking God to help me exchange one list for another. Not merely a list of everything that needs to be done, but a list shaped by His priorities for my life. What does my family need from me at the moment? Who needs encouragement today? Where is He calling me to serve tomorrow? Who needs to hear the Gospel in love? Who needs to be discipled regularly? What responsibility is actually mine to fulfill? And perhaps just as importantly, what am I carrying that belongs in His hands? I have come to a point of complete surrender where my life belongs to God even when I am not doing anything impressive with it by the world’s standards.
My prayer is becoming simpler: “Lord, show me what deserves my life.” Because I do not want to spend the rest of my days trying to prove that I am useful. I want to spend them being faithful to what I have been called to do.
I realize that I don’t have many years left but I know without a doubt that there is still time for me to change. There is still time to slow down, listen, surrender, and allow God to reorder my priorities. There is still time to put down what He never asked me to carry and pick up what He has placed in my hands to accomplish for His glory.
I am learning that the goal is not to do everything. The goal is to do what He has called me to do, with the people He has called me to love, for the Kingdom He has called me to build, for the community He has called me to serve, and then trust Him with everything else. That is where I believe true faithfulness begins and where I will find “What deserves my life.” Dear hearers, please pray for me as I pray for all those who read these words. In Jesus’ precious and powerful name, Amen.
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My BeLoved, may the grace and peace of the Lord Jesus, the love of God the Father, and the communion of the Holy Spirit, be with you all. Amen. In Christ Love, douglas. HE>i. pastord.blog
Special Note: I want to thank those who read what I write and are encouraged to support the ministry God has entrusted to me either one time or have decided to give on a monthly basis. I am encouraged to see certain verses playing out before my eyes like what is written in *Philippians 4:16 For even in Thessalonica you sent aid once and again for my necessities. 17 Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that abounds to your account.*
To any who are interested, please feel free to reach out to me with prayer requests, questions, encouragement, or for information on how to come alongside me with financial support at pastord.blog@gmail.com or I do have a Zelle account associated with my phone number, 5202720387 last name Blaser. Thank you my Beloved for your ongoing prayers and support.
