I find it interesting that my life and circumstances seem to move in cycles, with certain seasons, struggles, and heartaches returning from one year to the next. I do not always understand why God allows certain seasons to repeat, but I am learning that not understanding God’s purpose does not mean I have to stop trusting His heart. Over the past few months, my life has been a little busier but all in all easy, a lot less stressful, and not too demanding. This has been a welcomed season but it also seems to be short lived, then came the rain. The monsoon season in Tucson this year has taken a toll on me, financially, but more mentally and physically. I have come to understand that not all storms come for destruction, some come to clear a path. Ever since I can remember my life has mostly been filled with emotional turmoil and heartbreaking trials in one way or another. I want to be clear, I am a follower of the Lord Jesus who has always been striving, trying to obediently follow God in the midst of whatever test, tribulation, or suffering that I have gone through at the moment, desperately seeking to feel God’s presence, but for some reason I keep falling short, feeling secluded, almost as an outcast. There are moments when I sincerely question why, after desiring God so deeply and trying so hard to follow Him, I can still feel so distant from Him. While my utmost desire is to do what is right: to abide in Christ, I can also feel some major opposition from the enemy, the world, and those around me that say they care but hinder me. My heartfelt prayer to Almighty God is simple, it is written in *Psalms 119:28 My life dissolves and weeps itself away for heaviness; raise me up and strengthen me according to [the promises of] Your word.* The spirit of heaviness prevents my effective service to God by making me feel separated from Him and from other believers as well. Instead of feeling connected to the Lord, I am caught up in the “distractions all around.” The distractions, emanating internally or externally, all have the same result – my desire to connect with God in an intimate and genuine way is left unfulfilled. Can anyone else relate to this? I intimately know the feeling of yearning to be in the presence of God, but still feel abandoned. I want to do what is right, but continuously feel like I am failing. Sometimes the greatest battle is not simply what is happening around me, but what begins to happen within me when I cannot seem to reconcile my circumstances with what I believe about God. Yet I am learning that faith is not always demonstrated by feeling God near; sometimes faith is demonstrated by continuing to reach for Him when He feels far away. That is where I believe change begins. We may not be able to immediately change our circumstances, our emotions, or the actions of those around us, but by God’s grace we can change how we respond personally to the season we are in. Every time I open the Word when I would rather withdraw, every time I pray when I feel like my prayers are going nowhere, and every time I worship when my heart is heavy, I am making a choice to believe that God is still worthy, still present, and still working—even when I cannot see it. The ways that I battle through the spirit of heaviness is (1) to be in the Word especially when I don’t feel like it, (2) pray until I am done praying and then pray some more, (3) worship God and be thankful for the bad as well as the good. I trust that all that is wrong will one day be made right because God is good all the time, and all the time God is good. I am encouraged by the words of Charles Spurgeon when he said, “No man may turn his back in the day of battle or refuse to go to holy war. We must fight if we would reign, and we must carry on the warfare till we overcome every enemy, or else this promise is not for us, since it is only for “him that cometh.” We are to overcome the false prophets who have come into the world and all the evils which accompany their teaching. We are to overcome our own faintness of heart and tendency to decline from our first love.” Those words remind me that the battle itself does not mean God has abandoned us. In fact, sometimes the very place where we feel weakest can become the place where God teaches us to depend upon Him most completely. We cannot always choose the season we are walking through, but we can choose whether we will continue walking with Christ through it.
As I pray for myself to be drawn closer to the Lord Jesus today, I also pray that all who read these words are able to fully experience the grace and peace of the Lord Jesus for yourselves by being intentional with Him. Dear hearers, invest your time wisely, you may run out of it before you know it. Do not wait until you feel worthy, strong, or spiritually prepared to seek the Lord—seek Him now, exactly where you are. Open His Word, even when your heart is weary; pray, even when the words are difficult to find; worship, even when your circumstances have not changed. There is hope for the weary soul because our feelings do not determine God’s faithfulness, and our present circumstances do not determine our future in Christ. I believe that the God who has carried us through yesterday’s battles is the same God who will carry us through tomorrow’s, and more importantly today’s. What feels like a cycle of suffering today may one day become a testimony of God’s sustaining grace, His unfailing presence, and His faithfulness through it all. So, my friends, let us keep seeking, keep praying, keep worshiping, keep abiding, and keep our eyes fixed upon Jesus—because God is not finished with any of us yet, and our story does not end in the heaviness. I may not understand this season. I may not always feel God’s presence. I may even feel like I am failing. But I will not stop seeking Him, because my feelings are not greater than His faithfulness.
My BeLoved, may the grace and peace of the Lord Jesus, the love of God the Father, and the communion of the Holy Spirit, be with you all. Amen. In Christ Love, douglas. HE>i. pastord.blog
Special Note: I want to thank those who read what I write and are encouraged to support the ministry God has entrusted to me either one time or have decided to give on a monthly basis. I am encouraged to see certain verses playing out before my eyes like what is written in *Philippians 4:16 For even in Thessalonica you sent aid once and again for my necessities. 17 Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that abounds to your account.*
To any who are interested, please feel free to reach out to me with prayer requests, questions, encouragement, or for information on how to come alongside me with financial support at pastord.blog@gmail.com or I do have a Zelle account associated with my phone number, 5202720387 last name Blaser. Thank you my Beloved for your ongoing prayers and support.
