I want to give a spoiler to this devotional in case you don’t have time to read the whole thing. This is about the ways I am struggling, what Scripture tells me despite those struggles, and how I intend to respond. There have been many struggles that I have battled with my entire life and more recently the engagement seems to have gotten more intense. Some may blame it on the enemy, but I tend to believe that most of it is just in my nature, in my DNA. There are different sayings and quotes that I have read lately that have encouraged and helped come to an understanding that I am not the only one going through the trials and disappointments in life that have caused a breach of peace. Sometimes the greatest battle is not what is happening around me, but what is happening within me, as I wrestle with my thoughts, emotions, and weaknesses that I cannot seem to silence. I read “I can’t brag about my love for God because I fail him daily, but I can brag about His love for me because it never fails” and “I build others up because I know what it is like to be torn down.” Those words remind me that my failures do not have the final authority to rewrite what God has already declared about me, and His love is not measured by how perfectly I perform. As of late there have been some days where I struggle with who I even am to God due to my personal flaws and character defects, but when I look into the scriptures, I am reminded who I am to Him as I read what is written in *Matthew 13:44 Again, the kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and hid; and for joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.* I have come to see this in a few different ways: the treasure may represent the kingdom of heaven, Christ Himself, or the salvation and eternal life found in Him. The main emphasis has been understood that the treasure is of such incomparable value that a person joyfully gives up everything to possess it. Yet Scripture also calls God’s people His “treasured possession” (Exodus 19:5), and Christ gave Himself to redeem His people. So, while the primary interpretation is the kingdom of heaven, there is a beautiful secondary understanding in which God’s people are the treasure—those whom God was willing to give everything to obtain, even Christ Himself. Something to think about; If the man in the parable represents Christ, could the treasure represent God’s people, and could the “field” represent the world? There are moments daily when I have to stop listening to the voice of the world and deliberately listen to the voice of Scripture, because Scripture tells me that I belong to Him even when my emotions tell me otherwise. It is written *Galatians 4:7 Therefore you are no longer a slave but a son, and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ.* I believe those words, but more days than not, I just don’t grasp their momentousness. To be called a son and an heir is not a small thing; it is an identity that I must learn to walk in, even on the days when I feel completely unworthy of it. I love God, I love Jesus, I love the Holy Spirit, I love people, the only problem I have is that I don’t apperceive that I love any of them enough and that causes me to doubt myself to the point of not liking me. I fail all of them every day in one way or another. Many times it is because of pride, envy, selfishness, and distractions that I have allowed to overtake my thoughts and actions. Yet I am beginning to understand that recognizing these things should drive me toward repentance and dependence on God, not deeper into hopelessness or self-rejection. For those who tell me to not be so hard on myself, please understand, I know my nature before God and the penalty of it. The truth of the matter is that I do not fear God enough. I also understand what Jesus did for me upon the cross as written about in *Hebrews 12:2 looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.* and accept that on a personal level. I want all who read this to know that “At my lowest: God is my Hope. At my darkest: God is my Light. At my weakest: God is Strength. At my saddest: God is my Comforter.” I read this prayer and wanted to share it. This is where faith becomes more than words on a page; it becomes the decision to place my brokenness, my regrets, and my uncertainty into the hands of the One who has never stopped being faithful. I cannot continue allowing yesterday’s failures to determine today’s obedience. I must get back up, seek God again, love people again, forgive again, and keep moving forward even when I do not feel strong enough to take another step. My application is simple but not easy: surrender what I cannot change, take responsibility for what I can, and trust God with everything in between. I pray that my life will become evidence that God’s grace does not excuse me from growth but gives me the strength and courage to pursue it. My prayer: “Father in Heaven, Today I choose to release everything that has tried to hold me back. I release the past; I release bitterness; I release failures and missed opportunities; I release failed expectations. Instead, I embrace your grace and power to boldly move forward into the blessings you have for me. No matter what happens though, please give me a heart that is willing to obey You whatever the cost may be. And not only me but all the hearers of these words, in Jesus’ precious and powerful name I pray, Amen.” We must acknowledge our sinful nature without allowing our sin to become our identity. May our lives reflect conviction, followed by surrender, grace, and obedience, not self-condemnation.

My BeLoved, may the grace and peace of the Lord Jesus, the love of God the Father, and the communion of the Holy Spirit, be with you all. Amen. In Christ Love, douglas. HE>i. pastord.blog

Special Note: I want to thank those who read what I write and are encouraged to support the ministry God has entrusted to me either one time or have decided to give on a monthly basis. I am encouraged to see certain verses playing out before my eyes like what is written in *Philippians 4:16 For even in Thessalonica you sent aid once and again for my necessities. 17 Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that abounds to your account.*

To any who are interested, please feel free to reach out to me with prayer requests, questions, encouragement, or for information on how to come alongside me with financial support at pastord.blog@gmail.com or I do have a Zelle account associated with my phone number, 5202720387 last name Blaser. Thank you my Beloved for your ongoing prayers and support.