I find it heartbreaking to admit, but with all that I share on a daily basis only a few have asked what is going on with me? I guess maybe because it seems like a regular or ongoing occurrence so it is just my normal, nothing to really worry about. For some, I realize that your lives are busy and others don’t read what I write. I thank those of you who genuinely care enough to ask, I feel blessed more than you may ever understand until we get to heaven. I have been told that I am not as joyful and happy as I usually am. I think I have been able to narrow my situation down to One Word, “Tormented.” Lately I feel the attacks day and night. My thoughts wander during the day and my nights are full of tossing and turning. Sometimes it seems as though my faith is being tested and I am failing in just about every way possible. Life has become so draining, in so many different ways. I feel like I don’t get anything done that I need to do to survive and yet I know that the only thing that is truly of any importance or value is what is being done for the kingdom. There are moments when I cry out to God in silence because words seem too weak to express the heaviness within me. Even in the midst of this torment, I know the enemy desires to weaken my spirit and distract me from the purpose God has ordained for my life. Yet somewhere deep within my soul, there remains a small flame that refuses to be extinguished because Christ has carried me through too much already to quit now. I have learned that some battles are not meant to destroy us, but to shape us into vessels more dependent upon the mercy and strength of God. Some of the torment I experience comes from the sheep I have been called to minister too as well as from other ministers of the faith that don’t understand the calling that I trust that God has given me. I believe that I am being tormented for a very specific purpose and spiritual reason, and my prayer is that I am being purified, even though I feel as if I am being vexed with mental, emotional, and at times physical discomfort. Certain scriptures lead me to an interesting action, like what is written in *Matthew 14:34 When they had crossed over, they came to the land of Gennesaret. 35 And when the men of that place recognized Him, they sent out into all that surrounding region, brought to Him all who were sick, 36 and begged Him that they might only touch the hem of His garment. And as many as touched it were made perfectly well.* I believe that if I can just touch the hem of His garment I will be made perfectly well and so that is my longing, that is my desire, but even if I am not healed from my distress in this world, I know that His grace is sufficient and I will be healed in the next. I liken my life to the words of Alan Redpath, “Those of us who are going through a trial that seems overwhelming need to realize that, He can enable us to say, “Lord, if this is for Thy glory, heap on the load! If this is to accomplish something that will make me more usable for Thee, then pile on the burden! If this is something Thy hand seeks to do in order to make me like Thy lovely self, then, Lord, I will take everything because, even though I am crushed under it, I am going to trust Thee for strength every day. My weakness shall glorify Thy power.” Most people say that they would do anything for the Lord, and then think they have done everything for the Lord, but in all reality didn’t even do the slightest miniscule thing to increase the kingdom. The majority of people that I meet have a false sense of relevance in the faith, I don’t. I am a servant of the Most High God and my prayer is simple, “Lord, please enable me with confident assurance to do all that You have called me to do whether at the pulpit or in the pit of despair. Amen.” No matter how fierce the battle becomes, I refuse to abandon the calling God has placed upon my life. I will continue to stand, continue to pray, and continue to labor for the kingdom even when my flesh feels weak and weary. My trust is not in my own strength, but in the unwavering faithfulness of the One who called me, and I remain fully persuaded that He will complete the work He has begun in me. If you have read this far, I humbly ask that you would keep me in your prayers, because there are days when the weight of this battle feels greater than I can bear alone. I want you all to know that your prayers, encouragement, and genuine concern mean more to me than words can adequately express. 

My BeLoved, may the grace of the Lord Jesus, and the love of God the Father, and the communion of the Holy Spirit, be with you all. Amen. In Christ Love, douglas. HE>i. pastord.blog

Special Note: I want to thank those who read what I write and are encouraged to give either one time or have decided to give on a monthly basis in support of the different ministries God has entrusted to me. I am encouraged to see certain verses playing out before my eyes like what is written in *Philippians 4:16 For even in Thessalonica you sent aid once and again for my necessities. 17 Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that abounds to your account.*

To any who are interested, please feel free to reach out to me with prayer requests, questions, encouragement, or for information on how to come alongside me with financial support for the ministry activities that God has entrusted to me at pastord.blog@gmail.com or I do have a Zelle account associated with my phone number, 5202720387 last name Blaser. Thank you my Beloved for your ongoing prayers and support.