Since becoming a Christian it seems as though my life has been filled with constant “spiritual battles,” causing me to question at times as to why I do what I do. There are moments when the weight of it all presses so heavily on my spirit that even my faith feels like it’s gasping for air. Lately it has been so intense that there have been many times when I have whispered under my breath, “I quit.” Yet even in those whispers, something deep within me refuses to fully let go of the calling I know God has placed on my life. During these times of precariousness, I pray fervently for God to give me discernment on how to live the rest of the life He has given me, desperately asking for divine assistance to stay alert and motivated so that “the enemy” doesn’t have the opportunity to steal my joy, kill my desires to serve God, or destroy me. Even when my prayers feel repetitive and strained, I cling to the belief that God hears every word and sees every tear. Lately, it seems that every day I am in a “fight” for breakthroughs in my ministry life consistently, and praying for others I know who struggle like I do as well. There is a fire in me that refuses to go out, even when the darkness feels overwhelming. The enemy knows my weaknesses, and I believe that he uses my past to affect my present in an attempt to inhibit my work in the future for the kingdom. To be perfectly clear, I try to surrender “everything” in my life to God, and I do not live in fear of the world, the enemy, or even death. Still, surrender is not always a one-time act but a daily, sometimes moment-by-moment decision that costs more than I expect. I have been told that the reason, the root cause of my emotional and mental issues is that I have a dysfunctional connection with God, mainly through a misunderstanding of His word. I strongly disagree. As I have studied the scriptures, it has become clear that God has used a variety of people who struggled with many of the things that I do throughout history for His purpose. Their stories remind me that brokenness does not disqualify someone from being used by God—it often becomes the very place where His strength is revealed. I reflect on what Elijah did as he battled with Ahab and Jezebel. Elijah was weary, afraid, felt alone, and also battled depression—many of the same feelings and emotions I am struggling with today. I am encouraged by what is written about Elijah in *1 Kings 19:4–5 But he himself traveled a day’s journey into the wilderness, and he came and sat down under a juniper tree and asked [God] that he might die. He said, “It is enough; now, O Lord, take my life, for I am no better than my fathers.” 5 He lay down and slept under the juniper tree, and behold, an angel touched him and said to him, “Get up and eat.”* The most impactful part of this interaction for me is that God didn’t send an angel to preach to Elijah, tell him he needed to pray more, or condemn him for feeling the way that he did. God sent an angel to comfort him while he rested and encouraged him to continue on in what God had called him to do. That kind of compassion reshapes how I see both God and the way I should show up for others. I know what it is like to feel abandoned and discouraged by those that I expected to be there for me in my time of distress. My encouragement to all who hear these words: next time you feel the need to say something to someone struggling to make it through the day, try to comfort and encourage them to continue to the end—to get up and endure—it can be more powerful than anything else you could ever do for them. Also, remind them that Jesus loves them, and so do you. In closing: I will not allow weariness to define my walk or silence the calling God has placed on my life. No matter how intense the battle becomes, I choose to stand, to trust, and to continue serving Him with everything I have. I am resolved that even in my weakest moments, I will press forward, knowing that God is faithful to sustain me and finish the work He began in me, and to help me to fulfill His calling on my life till he calls me home. If you are tired and weak or have fallen, Get Up for He is not done with you either. 

My BeLoved, may the grace and peace of the Lord Jesus, the love of God the Father, and the communion of the Holy Spirit, be with you all. Amen. In Christ Love, douglas. HE>i. pastord.blog

Special Note: I want to thank those who read what I write and are encouraged to support the ministry God has entrusted to me either one time or have decided to give on a monthly basis. I am encouraged to see certain verses playing out before my eyes like what is written in *Philippians 4:16 For even in Thessalonica you sent aid once and again for my necessities. 17 Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that abounds to your account.*

To any who are interested, please feel free to reach out to me with prayer requests, questions, encouragement, or for information on how to come alongside me with financial support at pastord.blog@gmail.com or I do have a Zelle account associated with my phone number, 5202720387 last name Blaser. Thank you my Beloved for your ongoing prayers and support.