I never want to be the kind of Christian who portrays himself as having a perfect life, living completely righteous and virtuous everyday in every way. I have flaws, I struggle, that is why I speak of my desperate need for Jesus as much as I do. As some of you know, my family and I have been experiencing some challenging times, physically, emotionally, financially, for me mentally, but above all, spiritually. Lately there are times that we feel as if we are drowning in the day to day living of life just trying to take care of the little stuff, while trying to keep not only our heads above water but those that we are responsible for as well. Personally, I feel like such a failure more times than not. For all those who have shared their own input and opinions on how I should live my life, I want you all to know that I understand what the Bible says and yet there are times when the words that are written feel like they are just scribbles on a page without any meaning. I know what the Lord Jesus meant when He said in *Matthew 11:28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”* I know without a doubt that these verses relate to me and my life right now but for some reason I just can’t apply them. For some reason known only to God my brain is on Overwhelmed Overload and it just isn’t able to reset. There are things that I need to do that I walk away from hoping to get back to them and end up completely avoiding them all together. There are days when there is no joy in the journey. Many days I am disappointed and desperate for help that doesn’t seem to come because I am too ashamed and embarrassed to ask for help. I have lived with the mindset most of my life that I need to do it on my own and don’t know how to let others in. I want my tears to stop and my burdens to be gone. I’m tired and ready to go home. My heart cries out, Maranatha, Come quickly Lord Jesus. One of my favorite songs is by MercyMe, Even If. A few of the lyrics, “I know You’re able and I know You can / Save through the fire with Your mighty hand / But even if You don’t My hope is You alone / I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt / Would all go away if You’d just say the word / But even if You don’t My hope is You alone” “It is well, it is well with my soul”. My beloved, I realize that I am not alone, please pray for me as I pray for all those who are going through similar feelings and emotions as well to continue to cling to Jesus, press on with the little strength that we have and endure to the end by God’s grace. One thing that comes to mind quite often as I go through the struggles that I do is that Job never saw why he suffered, but he did see God’s presence all the way through what he experienced, and so do I. Grace and peace to all who read these words. In Christ Love, douglas. HE>i. pastord.blog

To any who are interested, please feel free to reach out to me with prayer requests, questions, encouragement, or for information on how to come alongside me with financial support for the ministry activities that God has entrusted to me at pastord.blog@gmail.com