The enemy finds many different ways to attack me, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Somedays, it seems as though he walks through my home and pokes the children with a stick where they are at odds with everyone else. Other times, I battle being overwhelmed with the world’s problems, especially those of the people of my world, the ones that I love and care about. Lately it has been with significance. I look over all of the aspects of my life and try to figure out if there is something, anything that I am doing that is making a difference for the kingdom. Does anybody read what I write, does anybody listen to my words, even one? I look at the lives of certain individuals and envy them in a way, how they get to do all of the things they do, travel, preach to great numbers of people, experience the wonders of the world, and minister in a way that I can only imagine, and as I pray and ask God why, there is a still small voice that whispers to me, “That is not what I have for you.” and then sit quietly and say, “Thank You Lord for where You have me, I will be obedient to the calling that You have given to me.” I am reminded quite often of the words written in *James 4:8 Come close to God and He will come close to you. [Recognize that you are] sinners, get your soiled hands clean; [realize that you have been disloyal] wavering individuals with divided interests, and purify your hearts [of your spiritual adultery].* I am not sure about anyone else, but there are times that I have a divided interest between the lust of the flesh and the desires for heaven. I confess that I have been disloyal to God and participated in spiritual adultery by wanting something that God does not have for me. The distractions of the world at times become so loud that it makes it difficult to hear the voice of the Lord. Most days I feel like I am running a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction. I believe that we are all looking for answers as to the purpose for the life God has given us. There is a quote by Charles Spurgeon that strikes me to the core of who I am, “And I have read of someone dying, who was asked if he wished to live or die; and he said, “I have no wish at all about it.” “But if you might wish, which would you choose?” “I would not choose at all.” “But if God bade you choose?” “I would beg God to choose for me, for I would not know which to take.” Oh happy state! to be perfectly acquiescent, to lie passive in His hand, and know no will but His.” This is my prayer, to know His will and to accept it gladly. In Christ Love, douglas.

To any who are interested, please feel free to reach out to me with prayer requests, questions, encouragement, or for information on how to come alongside me in financial support of the ministry activities that God has entrusted to me at pastord.blog@gmail.com