Over the years there have been times when I felt that I was growing as a Christian, and yet at the same time felt susceptible to doing things that I did before coming to Jesus. I confess that there have been times in my life when I became uncomfortably aware that I was not who I knew I should be at that time of my walk as a Christian. There were times when I felt like I should be so much further along in my relationship with the Lord Jesus. I remember when I shared with a few of my brothers the nature of my temptations, struggles, and failures, and there were some that judge me and look for excuses to condemn me for being honest. Others said all kinds of bad things about me and not truly understanding that nothing they said about me was even close to what I said to myself when I looked in the mirror on a daily basis. These same people failed to look within themselves to see who they truly were before a Holy God and how their behavior toward me tarnished the name of the Lord Jesus whom they said they served. In times when I am in bitter quarrel with myself I fervently pray over what is written in *1 Peter 1:13 Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; 14 as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; 15 but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, 16 because it is written, “Be holy, for I am holy.”* There are times that I am hard on myself because I know my heart before God and that at times it is wretched. The truth of the matter is that whether or not I like who I am doesn’t matter as much as understanding that God is still working with me, in me, and through me, and for that I will be eternally thankful till the day I go to be with Him. I like what Rich Mullins said, “I would rather live on the verge of falling, and let my security be in the all sufficiency, the grace of God, than to live in some kind of pietistic illusion of moral excellence… My faith is in the idea that God and His love are greater than whatever sin any of us commit.” To all who hear these words and are convicted, if you are struggling and you have people sitting there watching you struggle and not offering to come alongside you to help and encourage you to draw closer to God, be aware…they are not your people, they are the enemy of the cross. My Ugly Truth is that I often fail to follow the simplest instructions and try to live life on my terms and not the admonition written in *Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.* I realize that it takes profound courage or maybe cowardice to trade the “pietistic illusion” for the messy, honest reality of a life sustained by grace rather than performance. Though the mirror and the critics may focus on my stumbles, my security remains anchored in a Savior whose love for me is far more resilient than my most difficult days for God is far more interested in the direction of my heart than the speed of my progress. Thank you for all those who pray for me. My closing prayer for you is that when the “ugly truth” of your own hearts feels overwhelming, it is vital to remember that God’s commitment to us is based on His nature, not our performance. He doesn’t just tolerate our weakness; He uses it as a canvas for His strength.

My BeLoved, may the grace and peace of the Lord Jesus, the love of God the Father, and the communion of the Holy Spirit, be with you all. Amen. In Christ Love, douglas. HE>i. pastord.blog

Special Note: I want to thank those who read what I write and are encouraged to support the ministry God has entrusted to me either one time or have decided to give on a monthly basis. I am encouraged to see certain verses playing out before my eyes like what is written in *Philippians 4:16 For even in Thessalonica you sent aid once and again for my necessities. 17 Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that abounds to your account.*

To any who are interested, please feel free to reach out to me with prayer requests, questions, encouragement, or for information on how to come alongside me with financial support at pastord.blog@gmail.com or I do have a Zelle account associated with my phone number, 5202720387 last name Blaser. Thank you my Beloved for your ongoing prayers and support.