The enemy finds many different ways to attack me, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Somedays, it seems as though he walks through my home and pokes the children with a stick where they are at odds with everyone else. Other times, I battle being overwhelmed with the world’s problems, especially those of the people of my world, the ones that I love and care about who are going through the thick of it. Lately it has been with significance for me personally. I look over all of the aspects of my life and try to figure out if there is something, anything that I am doing that is making a difference for the kingdom. Does anybody read what I write, does anybody listen to my words, even one? I look for fruit and see very little. I look at the lives of certain individuals and envy them in a way, how they get to do all of the things they do, travel, preach to great numbers of people, experience the wonders of the world, and minister in a way that I can only imagine, and as I pray and ask God “why does it seem that my influence is so invisible?” Then, there is a still small voice that whispers to me, “That is not what I have for you.” and then sit quietly and say, “Thank You Lord for where You have me, I will be obedient to the calling that You have given to me.” I have a lot of peace now in not measuring my worth by the reach of others. I am reminded quite often of the words written in *James 4:8 Come close to God and He will come close to you. [Recognize that you are] sinners, get your soiled hands clean; [realize that you have been disloyal] wavering individuals with divided interests, and purify your hearts [of your spiritual adultery].* I am not sure about anyone else, but there are times that I have a divided interest between the lust of the flesh and the desires for heaven. I confess that I have been disloyal to God and participated in spiritual adultery by wanting something that God does not have for me. The distractions of the world at times become so loud that it makes it difficult to hear the voice of the Lord. Most days I feel like I am running a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction. I believe that we are all looking for answers as to the purpose for the life God has given us. There is a quote by Charles Spurgeon that strikes me to the core of who I am, “And I have read of someone dying, who was asked if he wished to live or die; and he said, “I have no wish at all about it.” “But if you might wish, which would you choose?” “I would not choose at all.” “But if God bade you choose?” “I would beg God to choose for me, for I would not know which to take.” Oh happy state! to be perfectly acquiescent, to lie passive in His hand, and know no will but His.” This is my prayer, to know His will and to accept it gladly whether I like it or not. I am thankful for the solitude God has given and not a spectacle to maintain and contrast between the “big” world of public ministry and the “quiet” reality of my personal calling.

My BeLoved, may the grace and peace of the Lord Jesus, the love of God the Father, and the communion of the Holy Spirit, be with you all. Amen. In Christ Love, douglas. HE>i. pastord.blog

Special Note: I want to thank those who read what I write and are encouraged to support the ministry God has entrusted to me either one time or have decided to give on a monthly basis. I am encouraged to see certain verses playing out before my eyes like what is written in *Philippians 4:16 For even in Thessalonica you sent aid once and again for my necessities. 17 Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that abounds to your account.*

To any who are interested, please feel free to reach out to me with prayer requests, questions, encouragement, or for information on how to come alongside me with financial support at pastord.blog@gmail.com or I do have a Zelle account associated with my phone number, 5202720387last name Blaser. Thank you my Beloved for your ongoing prayers and support.