There have been many days recently when it feels like the enemy won’t leave me alone and last night was one of the more stirring. From the time I laid my head down on my pillow I felt like I was being poked with a stick. Tossed and turned most of the night and woke up cursing under my breath, in all honesty, even off my lips. Yesterday was a powerful day for the kingdom, church was good, did pre marriage counseling, celebrated Trinytee’s birthday, great time of ministry at Iron Sharpens Iron, and even good quality time with the Lord right before bed, that I have not made time for in months. But for some reason I feel as if there is an unshakeable presence over me that causes me to lose sleep at night and peace during the day. I can’t seem to escape the heartache of what I want but am not able to receive for some reason, the joy of the Lord. I trust in the Lord Jesus to protect me and yet there are times when I feel the darkness, I feel like I am in a pit of despair and that there is no way out of it. The pain affects me deeply and tends to come in waves. There are times when I think my suffering is a judgment from God. I reflect on what Job endured and what is written in “Job 7:15 So that I would choose suffocation, Death rather than my pain. 16 “I waste away and loathe my life; I will not live forever. Let me alone, for my days are but a breath [futile and without substance].” I have been told that better days are coming but most of the time I relate more to a gerbil moving sticks around in a cage and occasionally hopping on the wheel in the middle for a little entertainment. When I pray, it seems as though my prayers are bouncing off the ceiling and when I trust Him for healing there is nothing but silence. I am encouraged by the words of Charles Spurgeon, “The patients of the great Physician are those whose hearts are broken through sorrow. Hearts are broken through disappointment. Hearts are broken through bereavement. Hearts are broken in ten thousand ways, for this is a heart-breaking world; and Christ is good at healing all manner of heart-breaks.” I am no stranger to heartbreak but the one thing that brings me comfort is that the Lord Jesus is no stranger to heartbreak either. From the garden to the cross I can see that His love for me is inescapable and because of Him I will persevere to the end. My Beloved, prayers are always appreciated and I will continue to pray for all who read these words.